Not New to This

This isn't my first blog. I started my first blog back in...hmmm...2007 when the soon-to-be ex and I started trying for our 3rd baby. Our first baby, Zachary, was due September 29, 2002, but arrived almost 17 weeks early on June 3rd, 2002 after what had been a perfect-until-that-day pregnancy. He struggled to live, but lost his fight 11 days later. I had barely come to terms with the fact that he was already here and not still safe in my womb where he belonged when he passed away. It was very, very surreal and I found myself mourning more the loss of a dream of what could have been than actually mourning HIM, if that makes sense. I didn't even get a chance to know him. It's a very strange feeling. My doctor told me his early arrival was a fluke thing and I was young (just turned 20) and naive and I believed him.


So six months later we started to try for another baby and three months after that I got pregnant with Ryan. He was due December 12, 2003. I was watched very closely and everything was going great. I even had an ultrasound in the late afternoon on August 18th, which showed my cervix was closed, no contractions, and baby was well. But the next day I went in to labor, at the exact same gestation (23w 4d) as I did with Zachary. They were able to hold me off until the next day, about 18 hours, but then had to deliver because I was fully dilated. A long, complicated NICU stay followed for Ryan that lasted 6 months and included heart surgery, bowel surgery (twice), laser surgery on his eyes, and numerous infections...just to name a few of his battles he overcame.


For at least a year after he was born, I was sure I did not want any more
babies. I couldn't go through it again. But around when he turned 2, I started to
think maybe. By the time he was 3, I knew I wanted to try again, AFTER seeing a high risk OB and only IF he thought it was "safe". I went for that consultation the summer of '06, I believe. The doctor was convinced my issue lie in my cervix and that it opened too soon (in other words, incompetent cervix). He gave us the go ahead to start trying (and a gameplan of what he would do once I did get pregnant), but we didn't start trying for another 10 months or so, around March 2007. I got pregnant in June, but miscarried in July (it actually may have been a chemical pregnancy or blighted ovum). That's when I started my first blog to keep people updated, mainly for the pregnancy when it happened because I knew there would be a lot of people (family, "in real life" friends, and online friends) that would want to know how things were going with my history. I got pregnant in October with Brooke and was due June 21, 2008. She was born March 26, 2008 (two days after my birthday, one day after her uncle's, two days before my mom's, and five days before my dad's!).


So all that to tell you how my first blog came about ;-). And I guess it filled you all in a little on my struggle to carry a baby to term. If you would like to read more about my pregnancy with Brooke (who I made it almost to 28 weeks with!) and her short-to-us (7 1/2 week) NICU stay, you can check out my old blog It's A Preemie World....and I'm sure I'll eventually post more about that stuff here :-). I decided to start this new blog because there have been a lot of changes in my life in the last almost year and I just felt like I needed a new blog beginning. So here I am!

I'll close this with recent pictures of Ryan and Brooke, so you can see how big my once, teeny tiny preemies are now :-).