When Will I Feel Like a Adult??

Seriously. I turned 28 in March. I've been married. I've had 3 kids and sadly, buried one of them. I'm in the process of getting divorced. I'm living on my own and running a household (pretty darn well, if I do say so myself). Despite all of that, I still feel sort of like a kid most of the time. I wish I had someone to handle important phone calls and make major decisions (sometimes) so I didn't have to deal with the stress it can bring. I don't handle stress well. Or conflict. And I've had both lately and will probably be dealing with both for quite some time, in light of recent events (that I can't/won't blog about...at least not at this time).

I think a lot of kids/teenagers are in a hurry to grow up so they can be in charge and make their own decisions and do whatever they want. They can't wait to be out of school and be out on their own, out of their parents' houses. And then you get there and wonder what the hurry and hype was all about. Sure, it has it's advantages. But then there's all the crap you have to deal with and suddenly the days where your biggest decision was what to wear to school or what topic to do your report on are looking pretty darn good.

And then there's the whole parenting gig. Not only do you have to make grown up decisions for yourself, but for someone else, too. Someone you love more than life itself...and sometimes those decisions aren't easy. You are always wondering if you're doing the right thing. Or if you're doing a good enough job. If you mess up it's not like you can just start over. Being a parent is the hardest job on the planet and I don't think it ever gets easier. In fact, it just seems to get harder and harder.

I guess this post has sort of turned in to a vent, but that's not what I meant for it to be. I just sometimes sit and think, "Wow, I am 28 years old...almost 30!" And I feel like I just graduated high school like last year. But I have had 3 kids and Zachary would have turned 8 this month. Ryan will be 7 in August. My 10 year highschool reunion is this summer. How did that happen?? I guess I just don't feel like it's been that long...and that's a good thing. But it's also kind of a strange feeling. I wonder if my brain will ever catch up to my age? And do I really want it to? LOL.