Friday, May 4, 2012

I Don't Know What to Title This

For about 3 weeks out of the month, I feel like a normal person.  Then some months (thank God, not all) that last 7-10 days before my period are HELL.  I don't even know if I can put in to words just how crazy and miserable and moody I get.  It is so bad that I don't even want to be around myself and sometimes I really feel like I'm going to lose my ever loving mind because I can't escape myself.  I feel a bottomless pit of despair in my heart.  I really feel like nothing ever goes right and that life is just too depressing to live.  I am set off by the most minuscule things. I constantly feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack.  I feel like I can't breathe.  I don't sleep well, so the exhaustion makes it even worse.  I just want to run away.  But I can't run away from the "thing" I most want to run away from - ME.  I really wish that I could go somewhere where nobody else would have to be subjected to this.  I have the most amazing and supportive fiance, but I feel terrible that he has to deal with me like this.  This is not normal PMS.  It can't be.  Or this world would be a heck of a lot more screwed up than it already is if all women felt like this every month.

I just wish I could disappear.

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