November - 30 Days of Thanks: Days 1 and 2

Yesterday one of my friends on Facebook posted that she was going to participate in this and I decided I would play along as well. And tonight I decided that I would carry it over to my blog in an effort to (try to) blog every day this month. I'm starting a day late so today I'll post for yesterday and today and now try to stay on schedule. Some of these things are going to be big, important things and other things may be small and silly. Some things may be hard to write a whole blog post about, but we'll see what I can do.

~*Day 1*~
~*~*My kids*~*~

I suppose it goes without saying that I am thankful for my kids. But I can't NOT say it and they are my reason for living, so obviously day one should be about them. I went through a lot with my kids, especially the first two. But they have all taught me a lot.

I had barely processed the fact that Zachary was already here, 4 months before he was due, before he was gone (he passed away when he was 11 days old). But I have Zachary to thank for helping me find God and even though it was unbelievably painful to lose him, I knew (know) that everything happens the way it is supposed to, even if we don't like it and even if we don't know why. He wasn't here with me, but I knew he was somewhere safe and that he wouldn't ever suffer or know pain. I know that a lot of times when someone loses a child, they are angry at God and turn away from him, but for some reason (and I'm not sure why) it did the opposite for me.

Ryan has taught me that anything is possible and that miracles do happen. We almost lost him twice in his first 6 months of life. The fact that he is still here with us is a blessing in itself, but the fact that he is so healthy is just amazing. Ryan has also taught me patience (although I still have a ways to go with that). He seemed to take forever to reach milestones as a baby and toddler, which was expected but still nerve wracking because I always wondered in the back of my mind if he would be able to.....crawl, walk, talk, etc. But alas, the worrying was for nothing. He just needed a lot of extra time and still does with some things. He is definitely, no-doubt-about-it, my little miracle and I am SO thankful that he is here with us.

Brooke taught me that an extra four weeks in the womb (and being a girl, who statistically do better than boys) can mean a world of difference and it is possible that being born three months premature *might not be a huge deal....although I guess that all depends on a person's perspective. After enduring six months in the NICU with Ryan and all the surgeries and infections and struggles to stay off the ventilator and gain weight, etc. etc. etc.....the seven (and a half) weeks that Brooke spent in the NICU, basically just gaining weight and getting off the oxygen, seemed like nothing. Brooke has also taught me what it is like to have a "typical" baby and toddler. She has hit all her milestones on time and even seems to be a bit advanced in some areas, like fine motor skills and language. Brooke taught me that I didn't need to be nine months pregnant and have a full term baby in order to feel like I had a "normal" birth experience.

I can't leave Cole out of this. Cole has taught me that a child doesn't have to be biologically mine in order for me to love them just as if they were. Cole was actually adopted from Russia by Joe and his ex-wife when he was about a year and a half old. But I never think of him as adopted. He is Joe's son and there's no way they could be any closer than they are, even if Cole was his biological son.

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~*Day 2*~
~*~*Joe*~*~

I am SO thankful for my amazing fiancé. I can't imagine my life without him. He makes me smile and laugh. He is there to comfort me when I'm upset and he never makes me feel like I'm being a baby when I cry. He helps ease my fears and anxieties. He makes me feel respected and like my opinion matters. He makes me feel safe and loved and cared about and appreciated. He treats Ryan and Brooke exactly like he treats Cole. There is no doubt that he loves all of us and wants to make sure we are happy. He is smart, funny, strong, caring, easygoing, and attentive. He is everything I always wanted and more. I'm sure that sounds cliché, but it could not be more true.